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May your heart be ever filled with the selection of fine goodies on offer from our tempting store.

Minute Steak

Quite the thing to get you going in the early hours. Best enjoyed horizontally with your mouth in the "Yes Madam" configuration.

Yours for only: £3.50
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The Temporary Pre-Sale

Buyers of this ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME opportunity will receive $200 as they pass GO on the wheel of eternity.

Yours for only: $200

Backstage Access

For one month only, get EXCLUSIVE backstage access to the band to see what they eat, drink and stroke while not fulfilling the strenuous commitments of stardom. Click BUY NOW below to make that blurred photo the FOCUS of your reality.

Yours for only: 1 Falafel Wrap

Birds DELUXE edition

This DELUXE edition comes with 17 RARE flightless kakapo parrots (gift wrapped) and 1 ptarmigan, sourced from the shores of Loch Tay, with the lyrics to our song Birds tattooed in braille to the skin beneath its feathers.

Yours for only: £80,085

Trookers FEMIDOM™®©

Surprise your better half with this special edition Trookers FEMIDOM™®©, embossed with the faces of the band using a esoteric technique known only to a small group of equine enthusiasts in the south of France, and exclusive to this site. Thoroughly tested for re-use.

Yours for only: 99p